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The past, the present and the future? [hellmouth_napa] [Tuesday
August 23rd, 2005 at 9:59pm]
[ mood | almost drunk ]

All that talking about my life had left me thirsty, and almost mentally exhausted. I had already talked about my life once before with Riley, and yeah, it had opened old wounds that I didn't even knew I had, but telling the story again really made me think about everything that had happened that year that Buffy day, and before she did. It was just one of those things that you tend to push so far down that you sort of... forget, well, not really forget, but just kinda... forget...

However, as soon as my that interestingly flavored cola hit my stomach, a lot of the things that I had been thinking before, didn't seem to be that big of a deal. I mean, I was seventeen now, Buffy was alive, life was going good, as good as it was gonna get anyway, for me. I was sitting in between two very hot guys, well, Riley was hot, but he was also like a brother to me, so, other than brotherly feelings, there was nothing else there. But Graham? In the short time that I had spent with him, I had grown to like him... a lot. And HELLO! HOT!

And they were both just really sweet. And, you don't meet people like that anywhere. I mean, I felt really safe here, with them, with Graham. He was hugging me now, hugging me like if we had been friends for ages, and it- it made me feel different. Like... like I've never felt before. And I kinda liked that feeling.

Finally we both pulled away and I rested my head on his shoulder, letting everything that I said sort of, sink in. Yeah, all of that, always took time to process, even for me. No matter how many times I told that story.

I took a sip of... hey! I thought that I had already finished my other 'drink' but somehow or another, another appeared in front of me. I could see why people loved to drink these things, they were just so good. This was definitely better than wine. I did like whine, but it had this bitter taste that made me pucker up every time I took a sip, this though, this went down easy...

Now... what was I saying?

"You know, these are really good," I said giggling and pointing to the glass. I was absolutely sure I was saying something important earlier, and then just like that I remembered. I had just poured my heart out to Graham, and yeah I felt a little bad about everything that had happened to me, but I was okay, everything was okay now.

"Yeah... so, as far as stories go Graham... and whatever this is... it's just so good, uhmm, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so, I told ya I was gonna 'wow' ya!" And it really had, I could see it from the look in his face. But what was I gonna do now? All I could do was smile, I mean, it was the past right? As much as it all had hurt, it was only the past. I was real now right? I wasn't going to disappear, or turn into this green energy and fade away, and be lost and okay, I was really feeling light headed now.

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Looking for familiar faces [not_fadeaway] [Sunday
August 14th, 2005 at 4:53am]
[ mood | curious ]

After going back to UCLA with Connor and turning in all of my school paperwork, I decided to head back to Wolfram and Hart. I hadn't talked to Buffy, or Willow or really anyone there since I had gotten to L.A. I had spent most of my time with Connor, which lets face it, was really nice. The guy was a hottie and not to mention super nice, plus he had the whole strength thing working for him without the vampire parts. I guess in many ways we were a lot a like. For starters we were both just like a few years old in human years. We both came from a dysfunctional family. Both had issues, like his dad was a vampire, an my sister was the slayer. He lived in an alternate dimension for a while, I was a ball of green energy at one point. See? Lots in common.

He did remind me of Angel in an odd way, sometimes the way that he talked, or the way that he walked or when he had this pensive face. And that was a tad disturbing, but I guess he was his father's son, as they say. Anyway, I did like spending time with him, and if it wasn't because of his schedule, I probably would still be spending time with him. He was really the only one that had given me the time a day. Everyone else had been too wrapped up in their worlds to care about what I was doing. Well, at least I still had Angel's car and his credit card, which I did have to return at some point. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt weird carrying it around.

Speaking of weird, how weird was it that he was this big shot in L.A? Angel that is. I mean, last time I checked he was doing this P.I thing, helping... something hopeless? They had a catchy slogan, and I couldn’t even remember it anymore......... Ah! They helped the helpless! That's what it was. But really, since when did that change? From all that Andrew had said, Wolfram and Hart was this big bad place. Didn't seem to be too bad, but if it was, why was Angel working here? And for that matter, what were we doing here?

No one really kept me in the loop these days. And back in Rome I was just having way too much fun to really care. I did enjoy my days of normal, but I should have know that they were counted.

As I exited the freeway and waited at the light, I thought about Riley, I hadn't seen him either. He had been all beat up and bruised the last time I saw him, I had to make it a point to see him to, check how he was doing and all. Hopefully he was doing better than the last time I laid eyes on him.

I finally made it to Wolfram and Hart. I parked in the same spot I had parked before in the underground parking and them made my way up the elevators towards the lobby level. As soon as the doors opened, I started to feel weird about being in this place alone. It was just like a maze here. Really, I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. I also felt a little underdressed. How in hell was I going to find Buffy, or even Angel? It almost felt like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Only this hay stack seemed to have its own zip code.

Still I wandered the halls looking for a familiar face, hoping that somehow I could run into anyone that looked remotely familiar or knew where Buffy was. I passed by one of the room and heard muffled voices, almost as if someone was in... pain? Either that or just being really... really bad at work, which... lets face it, just thinking about that was kind of... ewwwwwwww... I walked faster, trying to get as far away as I could from the interesting sounds. And I did, I got far, far way, and got even more lost in the process.

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Looking for help [championsonward] [Saturday
July 16th, 2005 at 12:25am]
Everything that happened-- happened in a blink of an eye. The evening had gone from one extreme to the other and I didn't even know when the change had occurred. It had been as if though one minute Connor was okay and the next... well, the next minute there was nothing left but the rage and the anger that seemed to fill him up and swallow him whole. I didn't understand. I didn't even have the words to describe the way that I felt.

I drove fast, trying hard not to think about all that had happened, but failing miserably at it. I didn't even know how it was that I was driving, how I was keeping control of the wheel, how I automatically stopped when I saw the red lights up a head and then stepped on the gas to go on green. It was all sort of mechanical.

Maybe I was just too much in shock still. Too much in shock of everything. Thinking about everything, trying to make heads or tales of the situation. Leaving that warehouse had been one of the hardest things I had ever had to do, and one of the things that had brought me so much relief. There was just so much there. For one, I didn't really wanted to leave Connor side, I wanted... or, I had wished that some how, miraculously, I could have gotten through to him. But it just... I... I- hadn't been strong enough to do so. Or maybe I was never supposed to.

I didn't know what to think of, I mean, he was my... boyfriend-- wasn't he? We had talked about these things, hadn't we? I was sure we had. Maybe it had been something that I did, something that I said that set him off, that made him change. Still... how could he have done what he did?

It all reminded me too much of Angelus, and all the hurtful things he said to me.

I took a deep breath and then turned the corner. I was so close now, so close. I didn't want to go back to the Hyperion, I had wanted to stay with Connor, and Willow and Fred, but... but now, and I had to go back... I had to find Buffy. She would be the only one that would understand, and- and she had to help right? I mean, she was my sister, of course she would help.

Wiping the tears in my eyes I blazed through the streets. My mind racing with all these questions. A few minutes later, the Hyperion came into view. I still wondered how I had made it there in one piece. I didn't quite remember and my mind didn't really give me a chance to notice anything else.

I parked the car and didn't even bother to close the door behind me. I simply ran towards the entrance. I stopped and I neared the door, afraid to step in, but I knew I had to- had to find Buffy. I had to tell her what happened. She had to help Riley and Wesley. Connor was unstable, and a danger to anyone that crossed his path.

Finally, taking one last breath, I stepped in, and walked into the lobby. "Buffy! Buffy! Are you here? Buffy, I need your help!"

[[Open to Buffy, Spike, Andrew, Lorne, and anyone else in the Hyperion. -for whenever you guys are done with your thread-]
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An evening outing... [hellmouth_napa] [Monday
July 4th, 2005 at 12:21am]
[ mood | bored ]

The day had really dragged out. I mean, as far as productive days went, this was definitely not one of those days. It was more like a blah-ish kind of day. Not that I minded having those, but really, I wanted to explore. I wanted to see what Napa was all about. But did things ever go my way? No... Things always had to be weird for Dawn.

But I didn't miss the normal life. Not anymore, anyway. I had seen way too much to be anything but normal. Kinda comforting thought and well, kinda creepy at the same time.

I was sorta mentally tired, too, for being given the third degree by Giles on the whole Immortal subject. I mean, I hardly knew the guy and even if I did know more than what I did, it wasn't my business to meddle in. If he wanted to know details on Fabrizio than he was going to have to go to Buffy, or even the source.

I mean, really, why the whole interest in one vampire who had practically... well, actually, had been good for like a long, long time now? I walked out the doors and took a deep breath. I felt cold instantly, and not because it was cold, but because it was a little windy. I thought about going back and getting like a sweater or a jacket or something, but that would mean sneaking past Giles again, and I didn't feel doing all of that all over again.

I wondered where I would go. Not back to the hellmouth that's for sure. I mean, yeah I was young, and sometimes, not so smart about things, but I wasn't that dumb to put myself at such risk. Okay, maybe not that level of risk anyway.

And what was I gonna do?

I started waling way from the bed and breakfast and some people bumped into me as they passed me by, and they didn't even have the decency to say I'm sorry. "You know, a 'Sorry,' or 'Excuse me,' would have been nice." They didn't even turn around. They just kept walking.

Yep, this was good 'ol California. Land of the... ewww.

Back to my thoughts I began walking again, only maybe two minutes after that, I was really startled by the hand that tapped my shoulder.

"ACK!!!! JESUS!!!!" I yelped and turned around. HUH? Was the first reaction to whom I saw in front of me. "Riley! God, you scared me," I said, putting a hand to my chest and catching my breath.

Then I realized... he had been with Giles, and Vi when I left. He probably saw me and decided well to follow. Of course he did Dawn, he's here now right? -- I took a deep breath and smiled.

"Umm, so you kinda noticed, huh... You're not gonna tell Giles or Buffy on me, are you?"

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Hungry and Flirty [championsonward] [Wednesday
June 8th, 2005 at 12:49am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Hunger... It was definitely starting to bug alright. I never thought I could get this hungry, but it had been a long while since I had anything to eat. With everything going on I guess I had simply forgotten. But now, after all was settled and my mind could actually focus, I was simply looking forward to spending some 'normal' time.

Everything in my life was always so weird. Might as well enjoy the normalcy of this day while I could.

Even though I wanted to spend some alone time with Connor, having Wesley and Fred come with us hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. Maybe they too needed some fresh air and some food. One normal day in our stranger than life lives.

Wesley and Fred lead the way through the hallways, and the lobby, then straight into the Restaurant. I held Connor's hand the whole way here and it didn't feel strange or awkward at all like I thought it would fee. I guess I was getting used to the idea of him. He was much more than just a crush now. He liked me back, it was obvious.

I had never felt anything like that before. I mean, it was all so new, so different and so sudden... and scary. All rolled up into one Connor package. I- I didn't even know how it had happened. Just that, it had and it made me feel good.

The whole way there I kept glancing over to him, and sort of, half smiling, half giggling, and half looking like a dork with the whole love sick puppy eyes. I wondered what Willow would think of it. I hat to ask her, find out her thoughts on it. Maybe she could give me some advice on how to tell Buffy, or how to approach her.

"Thank god we're here. I thought I was gonna faint from hunger for a while there," So that was totally like a big fat lie. Was so not gonna faint.

"SO what are you in the mood for?" I asked entering the restaurant.

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Back to see Willow and Fred [hellmouth_napa] [Monday
May 23rd, 2005 at 12:36am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

[continued from here]

We both couldn't remember what room number Willow and Fred had checked into. I was sure they had told us, but then again I wasn't. I just couldn't believe we had forgotten something like that. Actually, I didn't even remember asking. I couldn't remember much of anything either, I had been thinking about way too many things to even ask. So consumed in my own thoughts that it really didn't leave enough room up there for anything else. Thanks to Connor though, I was definitely feeling much better. He had taken my mind off of many things.

After sort of looking at each other for a moment, I thought that maybe it would be best if I asked the front desk for their room numbers, then it dawned on me that Connor still had the cell phone in his hand. He could have just as easily called Willow or Fred to ask, but I guess we had both been to... I don't know, giddy to even think about it.

Didn't matter as I had already asked the front desk receptionist. I gave her both Willow's and Fred's name just in case.

After a few moments she smiled at us and gave us the room number. I looked back at Connor and gave him a big smile as I waved the little piece of paper in my hand. The hotel's bellboy helped us with some of the stuff that we had brought in. Clothes for Willow and Fred and for myself. It was actually a lot of stuff. But it fit quite nicely in the little cart with wheels that they used to take stuff up to the rooms. Soon after loading everything in, Connor gave the bellboy a tip and we handled the stuff ourselves. Were on that elevator faster than I don't know what and on our way to see them.

I didn't way much once we were there. I mean, yeah, I could have said a ton of thing, but it would have just sound too stupid. And I definitely didn't want Connor to think I was some type of dork-quette. The elevator ride seemed to be the longest one ever. From time to time I would sort of, glance at him and smile just a little. God he smelled so good. Just wanted to...

Soon we were on the hallways looking for the room in question, and after a few doors we found it.

"Guess this is it," I said before knocking. I tapped the door a little bit. And for a moment, I couldn't hear anyone on the other side. I checked the little piece of paper again with the room number and check the door and they both matched. So I knocked again. Only this time I knocked just a little harder.

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New Beginnings [caritas] [Wednesday
May 11th, 2005 at 9:18pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I loved spending time with Xander; he made everything seem more normal, just like old times. Just like that, with smiles and ice cream he made the pain more bearable. He and Willow were the only ones left in my life. Every one else had left me. Yeah, I know I had to deal, but sometimes I just couldn't. But they were both there for me, I knew. They were my family now, they were everything.

Losing mom had been so hard, so hard on everyone, and I remember thinking that things could never get better. And then I found out I was some ancient key that opened some gateway to hell and really that made that summer a real bummer.

But the worse part in all of it had been actually opening that gateway; it had all been my fault because it was MY blood that finally did it. And like always… she was the one that had to save the day, only this time… this time she didn’t come out on top like she always did. And it was all because of me.

Her words still echoed in my head, mostly at night, when everyone thought I was sleeping and what I was really doing was crying. Well, Xander and Willow knew, they gave me the time and space that I needed, peaking their heads from time to time in my room, but I guess enough was enough, right?

Still sitting in my room, I didn't want to venture out just yet. It was too soon, but I knew I had to come out and mingle sometime. I mean, I couldn't hide forever now could I? I mean, maybe I could, but I knew Xander would never let me get away with it... not for long anyway.

But yeah, I guess for now food was definitely a plus, especially when it came to comfort food. As I sat there, finishing up the last of my ice cream, I began to remember all the other times he and I had shared ice cream. All the times that B... she... used to call him to baby-sit because she had some big evil to vanquish or simply just because she couldn't deal with a bratty sister.

But Xander had always been there, and okay, so I didn't mind him as a baby sitter because... hello, he was cute and sweet, and knew all kinds of stuff and just made everything seem better.

"Xander? Thank you for, you know, the ice cream.... and for, you know being here with me."

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Not a little kid anymore... [hellmouth_napa] [Monday
May 9th, 2005 at 11:56pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I flipped through page after page of the InStyle. Reading some of the articles, filling my head with needless gossip about... Jennifer Lopez? Okay, so I was still a little irritated with Giles for his ceaseless questioning on the Immortal. Why couldn't he just leave that alone? Okay so the guy was a vamp. Not really good, not really evil, and who really was anything but just that these days? Okay so he didn't have a soul, but Spike didn't have a soul back in Sunnydale for a long time. Even after Buffy... died, he could have just left. And when mom died, he could have left, I mean yeah, he had that chip in his brain, but that only made him not hurt people. And he could have left! And instead he took care of me, and made sure I was safe when the gang would go out patrolling with Buffy Bot.

So what if the Immortal didn't have a soul, he was... nice. And okay, he was really, really cute.

I started leafing through the magazine again. Thoughts of the hellmouth filling my head. We should be doing something about that. We should be researching, or going over there or something, instead of talking about my sister's old flame, or most recent flame as was the case here.

Okay, I needed to stop thinking about it. Hopefully Giles would stop talking about it too. Because if he started back up with that, I was gonna... No, I would be civil and simply say... I don't know. Yeah. Let him figure it out, or better yet, let him talk to the Immortal himself.

Uhg! I was definitely thinking way... WAY too much about this. And what was Giles doing anyway? Why wasn't he here talking to me about important things such as the hellmouth, or what school I would be going to here in Napa. Maybe he was thinking home schooling and eww, I really hoped not. Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of training. With a hellmouth actually open here in Napa, they were all going to need all the help they could get.

Finally, I got tired of waiting. I walked towards the door and into the hall. I needed to find Giles, I wasn't a little kid anymore, and I didn't deserve to be out of the loop all the time.

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The tour [not_fadeaway] [Monday
May 9th, 2005 at 11:32pm]
[ mood | curious ]

This place... was like a maze. It was huge! A person could get lost here. Really, really lost. I mean I think we were sorta lost. For a while I thought I knew where we were going but, after that last turn around the corner I really was not too sure.

Okay, so walking around the big bad evil building with Angel's seed wasn't really so bad. I mean, okay he was cute, that was a plus. AND! He had that whole super human strength thing working for him, with out the "grr arg" vamp bumpies that came with it, that alone was a big time plus. And did I mention he was cute?

Cute like the son of a two hundred and fifty odd something vampire who seemed to be madly in love with my sister and had a questionable one night stand with some type of wolf woman, and ewww, when I think of it in those terms, I really shouldn't be thinking about superhero son with the google-y face. But hey, I was only human... well, for the most part. I was mostly energy, the key that could potentially open up the gate way to hell, and really, that was just the one time and it was under special circumstances.

Okay... so we both had issues. Me, an ancient ball of energy. He, son of two vampires. What were the odds?

Finally we came into a room that was just so weird, and somehow we both got separated. Frantically I tried to reach for him, and he tried to do the same. Finally he reached for my hand and put his fingers between mine, he squeezed my hand as we moved through the room following what seemed to be someone in a lab coat. My heart almost skipped at beat when he did that. Held my hand I mean, yeah, we just met and all, but when was the last time that a boy held my hand? Okay there was the one vampire, but he didn't count. Connor at least had a pulse.

Finally we came to a room with... eww blood.

"Okay, that's just... eww!" I said to him. "Maybe it's time for us to explore a different room, on that doesn't have blood in it."

If Buffy knew what we were up to she would kill me. And I sort of wanted to make it to college the next day.

I knew Connor's interest were peaked, and so were mine, but hello! Evil law firm here. And yeah, okay, his dad was C.E.O. here but, still, what if they didn't recognize us. What if they saw us and took us away to some holding type place were we had to wait for either Angel or Buffy to come down and get us. Okay so maybe that wasn't gonna happen because of he whole 'My dad is C.E.O... touch me and you're fired.’ It could work right? Oh, and there was also the whole super human strength thing he had going for himself. But I had already mentioned that one.

Okay, I was doing way too much thinking. I needed to focus back on the issue at hand.

"Connor? I really don't think we should be here."

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A Little Shopping [championsonward] [Tuesday
April 26th, 2005 at 12:14pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I couldn't believe what was happening, how fast things were moving. After everything that had happened, the one person I could remotely relate to in this godforsaken place and was the one stranger that wasn't so much a stranger and more of like a kindred spirit. He knew where I was coming from, he understood me in ways that I never thought some one would understand, but like me he was something that shouldn't have happened and I guess I found comfort in that.
I wasn't the only one in the world that these things happened to.

Now came the best part. The part that most of girls my age get to do in a normal world. Shopping. I deserved a little shopping after everything that had happened. I mean, it's not like I had been able to salvage all of my stuff from Sunnydale. So yeah, I needed more than just a few things, and I was glad that it was Connor walking with me through the shopping mall. I had hoped that Willow and Fred could come with us, but maybe that was something that we could do sometime later.

I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many things that caught my eye, and it was a good thing too because it kept my mind occupied. It kept me away from the harsh reality of my world. The kind of world were monsters and demons and everything that was evil seemed to always come knocking on our door and ask if we could come out and play.

Yeah... lucky us.

All things considered, I had kicked major ass. Well, as much as any human, used-to-be-a-ball-of-energy-that's-just-not-working-anymore, could. There was a thought... Maybe I could get Connor to show me a thing or two about defense. I could always ask Buffy, but she had always been a little hesitant when I brought the issue up to her. And let’s face it; I wasn't even allowed to go near any of the magicks.

I smiled at Connor, as I tried on one of the dresses. After all, he did say he wanted to come with, and he could have been next door looking at the video games or, magazines or other stuff, but he wasn't.

"What do you think? Too spring?" I asked as I looked in the mirror. "Too much pink?"

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Getting into trouble... [_illneverforget] [Wednesday
April 20th, 2005 at 5:20pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

It was boring here at the magic shop. I was supposed to be doing homework after Buffy left, but... eh, it could wait I guess. I was still fuming about the joke that Buffy had played on me, and that made it kinda hard to concentrate on Math and English. You'd think you would get extra points just for speaking the language but noooo... and lets not even get started on math. That just didn't make sense to me at all. It was like letter and numbers and equations that couldn't be applied to anything real so I didn't see the point in it.

I looked around the place for a while, searching through the shelves, just looking and looking around idly, trying to find something interesting to 'borrow'. Things that wouldn't be missed, like me... no one really took notice of me these days, or ever for that matter. It was always Buffy and the soon to be mini-brat version of Buffy. I mean, I didn't want to think that way but it was the truth. It was always: Buffy this did, and Buffy did that, and 'Ooo... Ahhs...' the baby is kicking now, blah, blah, blah.

I should probably just run away for a while, I wondered if they would notice I was gone. Probably not. They probably won’t even care. None of them would, not even mom. Ever since Buffy got pregnant everything’s always been about her, even for mom. It's like she exists and I don't exist at all. I mean what's the deal anyway? I should have just stayed with dad. Not that he was any different, but at least he was always that way. And all my friends, I missed all my friends.

This was a stupid town... with stupid people! And stupid labor-faking BUFFY!

Nothing in the shop really caught my eye; I had already looked through this stuff a million times before. Nothing special to see, nothing in the public section anyway. There was always the restricted area... and the basement. They kept all kinds of stuff there all the time. Maybe I could find a homework spell. Or...

Looking around, I tried to make sure that no one was coming and made my way towards the restricted section. I smiled as I looked at the selection of books that looked so old it almost seemed like they would break apart if you touched them. Almost. I ran my fingers through some of the volumes, smiling. Hmm... this was interesting. Witchcraft: Book of Shadows I raised my eyebrow as I pulled the book from the shelf. The book looked ancient. Like something out of an old movie. The black and white type with the really, really tacky lines.

I leafed through it, smiling. The book looked so interesting, full of spells and... spells. I put the book in my pack back and kept looking through the shelves. I smiled again as I found another book that looked interesting, only this was didn't have to do with Witchcraft or witches and it had to do more with demons and demonology stuff. I took that and put it in my pack back as well and decided that homework could wait. I only had a little bit left to do and I could do it in school before I went to class.

I walked outside the magic shop, not really knowing where to go. I could probably go back home and check this stuff out, pretend to read, but then again I didn't because it could be the one time that mom would want to check and see if I was actually doing it. I thought about it once more and decided that maybe I could sneak into the 'oh so popular' and only Sunnydale hang out- The Bronze. I wonder what that would be like.

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The New Hellmouth [hellmouth_napa] [Saturday
April 16th, 2005 at 5:48pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I was a little groggy when I woke up. At first I didn't know where I was. I simply lay there on the bed staring at the ceiling. For a fraction of a second I thought I was in Rome, but then, no... that wasn't it. Then I thought it was Cleveland, but that wasn't it either. I closed my eyes and turned my head on the pillow.

After a while I sat up and looked around and realized where I was. I was in Napa, at the bed and breakfast, and I was alone. This was Giles' room. I kind of felt bad. Did he even get a chance to sleep? I had hoped so. I was also wondering how the talk about the Immortal went between Buffy and Giles. I guess I would know from Buffy soon enough.

I stretched out and decided to take another shower. Not like I needed one but it always helped me wake up. After the shower I decided to venture out of the room. I wondered if Buffy was still wake.

At least I felt rested though. Fighting evil on a hellmouth did take a lot out of you. I didn't know how Buffy could do it day after day. Well, she was the slayer and it was her duty, but there were many slayers now and she didn't have to be alone.

It was good that she didn't have to do it all by herself. That she wasn't the only chosen one. Although, last night it almost appeared that way.... And how cool was last night. I kicked some demon ass. Well just a little. Well, okay, I almost got smashed there a couple of times if it wasn't for Riley, Giles and Xander, but I was kicking ass.

I felt so alive. It was like, I don't know. It felt different. All my training must be paying off. But the bruises though. That was really not fun. Now that I wished I had, the super healing like Buffy did.

I let out a sigh. I really needed to stop thinking about this stuff and start thinking about, school and boys and clothes and stuff.

I looked around the room, for a moment, I thought that maybe I could go out there and talk to Buffy, and I almost did, only, it sounded like she was already talking to some one and I didn't really know who it was so I opted not to interrupt. Besides, it was nice to have some peace and quiet, at least for the time being.

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Peace and Quiet championsonward [Friday
March 18th, 2005 at 6:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I sat there next to Willow and Fred, Connor standing in front of me, and I just couldn’t help but feel bad about everything that had happened to them. I was trying to act as normal as I could around them, I wanted to, but I was so overly exhausted that I didn’t know if I was doing a good job at it.

At least they are okay, at least they are alive and not dead like… I didn’t wan to think about anything anymore. Sunnydale, the warehouse, the potentials, Angelus, nothing, I wanted for it to just go away, I wanted to just be able to close my eyes and not see any more images of any kind.

I didn’t feel like talking much, I had said all that I was gonna say back in the car with Connor. I mean, he understood. Or at least I thought he did, and he had just as much anger and pain built up like me that telling each other what we felt had sort of given us enough room to breathe… but it was beginning to not be enough.

I was so beyond tired, but there was nowhere for me to go. Nothing that I could do. I wanted to see Buffy and make sure she was still okay, and I wanted to see Spike… Oh god, Spike had been so hurt, he had saved our lives and I didn’t even get to thank him for that… again. But it was all too much.


So I just sat there, feeling bad about everything. I felt my eyes closing just a little, as if drifting to sleep, but I couldn’t… if I did, I would see it again… and-- I didn’t want to. Why was my life always like this? Why can’t it just be normal for one day… just one day? That was not too much to ask. Right?

One day.

I looked at Connor again. He really looked like Angel, especially with his clothes on. He was- nice. Different than I thought he would be. And strong I guess like a slayer only he was not. I could also still see a trace of anger in his face; he probably knew what I was thinking, but I hadn’t mean to think of him that way, he just really reminded me of him it was all, and right now it was one of the things I didn’t want to be reminded about.

I let out a soft sigh, and tried to smile at him. I genuinely liked him… a lot. We were in some ways quite alike. Not to mentioned the fact that we were both puzzled by life. At least he smiled back at me, and that was nice.

Finally, I just decided to rest my head on the and close my eyes just for a moment. Just one little moment of peace, with Willow and Connor and Fred. Just a little peace and quiet.

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Rome and Spike? loveit_liveit [Friday
March 18th, 2005 at 12:10pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Rome. I couldn't believe that Buffy had let me stay here in Rome by myself... well, almost by myself. There was Andrew, who was doing the whole 'British watcher' thing even though he wasn't British, and Giles who was actually British and a watcher trying to rebuild the council again. Every now and then they did come to check up on me, see how I was doing, what I was up to, check on my studies. Well Giles checked on my studies and Andrew... well, I think he just liked to hang out, go out clubbing with me. He was good company, goofy as ever, but he had changed so much.

And Buffy? Buffy was actually doing the same old thing that a slayer always does... fighting evil, dusting vamps. She did get a nice little rest from it for a few months. I think we all did. But I guess you can never escape your destiny. Well, Buffy sorta did, but only because she decided to share that destiny with every other potential in the world. Anyway, I digress. The Cleveland hellmouth had been getting a lot more activity than before, and yes, there were many slayers all over the world now, but Buffy and Faith were the main gals the other slayers went to for help when they needed it. And as much as I would have loved to tag along, not, I had made a new life here in Rome. One that I loved.

I was soon to be seventeen and I was in school and by Roman standards I was almost considered an adult, almost. One more year and I would be in total drinking age, not that drinking was good. Drinking was bad... bad, bad, bad, bad! Just ask cave Buffy. Ha! And besides, aside from Buffy, everyone that I really cared about was here in Europe.

Granted, I did miss Buffy a lot, and I got a nice and hefty reminder every month when the phone bill came in. But all in all, things were good here. I was living the life that I never got to live. I was on my own, and though, that had been a little hard to get used to at first, I was okay now.

After Sunnydale, things, everything was brand new, we could finally make a new life for ourselves. And that was something that the Summers sisters never quite had. It had be a tough goodbye, but it was also a new beginning. We had Spike to thank for that, Buffy had once said to me. She didn't really tell me exactly what had happened until after we got to Rome. I had put some of the pieces together seeing as Spike wasn't here and we all were.

I was sad, for a long time, but I was also grateful- thankful. For a long time I had been so angry at Spike for what he had tried to do to Buffy, but that was all in the past, and Buffy had moved on, and so had I. But thanks to him, and all of the girls and people that had lost their lives back in Sunnydale, another apocalypse had been averted. Now the rest of us 'normal' folk could have some semblance of a normal life.

I took a deep breath and looked out into the distance. It was a quiet night for a Friday, but it was a nice little change. Not like I had a ton of things to do, and I could go out dancing. After a few moments I came back in side. I could call a few of my friends and meet them at the club. I walked past the nightstand and realized that I still had not opened the package I had received earlier in the day. I had sorta gotten busy with stuff and just didn't get around to it. But I guess now would be a good time as ever. I sat on my bed and put the package on my lap trying to figure out whom it came from. It had no return address. All it had was the pre-printed label that read: Summers, my address and the words 'fragile' written on it.

I frowned a little and then began to open up the parcel. The package itself wasn't heavy at all and after I had opened it up and looked inside, I came to find a smaller envelope almost submersed inside the colorful packing confetti. I pulled the small envelope out and put the box aside. Then I opened up the envelope and let its contents slide onto my hand. I was puzzled at first but then realized with shock what it was that I was holding. The amulet Spike had worn.

And before I could do anything else, the amulet began to grow hot in my hands and I let it drop on the floor, making and bursting into light. With my eyes wide open I let out a scream. What the hell was this? Some type of sick joke? Suddenly, my scream was matched by another one, not my scream but... Spike? Just like that, from the burst of light Spike had sprouted out, screaming, baffled. I blinked repeatedly thinking that I must be dreaming... but it was real. After the initial shock from the both of us, we just sort of stared at each other for a moment, both of just just as baffled. I didn't know what to say... or do, or anything. So I said the only thing that I could think of, the only thing that came to mind--

"Spike? You're... alive?"

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Fairly Normal Life fairly_normal [Monday
March 7th, 2005 at 1:53am]
[ mood | busy ]

UCLA, I never thought I would end up here. Well, maybe I did, but after Sunnydale became a huge crater I really didn’t put too much thought into college. All I had really wanted to then spend as much time as I could with Buffy. And I had. The trip to Rome was the best thing I could have ever asked for and finishing up High School there wasn’t so bad, not to mention meeting a bunch of cute Italian boys there. Plus I even learned a nifty new language.

Spending all that time away from the states had been good for us. I mean, it wasn’t all fun and games all the time. There was you occasional demon or vampire that did spring up every now and then, but Buffy seemed to be on top of that. And after destroying one hellmouth, seeing a vampire or two in the street was really not that big a deal.

But, we both missed the U.S. and well, we couldn’t really stay away from it forever. Having the time off from everything had been nice, but Buffy needed to back. And I wanted to come back to, start a new life. Try and have as much as a normal life a slayer’s sister could ever have. Not that I was complaining. I had learned a lot from my sister. How to defend myself for one. How to party like there was no tomorrow was another.

I was glad to be coming back, we had already applied to many different colleges around California. UCLA had been on my top five list and luckily my application had gotten accepted. Buffy had been so proud of me, and well as Giles, Willow and Xander when we called them to tell them the news. I remember everyone being ecstatic when I told them that I had received a full journalism scholarship for UCLA.

Several weeks later we said our goodbyes to Rome (and it’s cute boys) and made our way towards Los Angeles. It had been a long time since I had been in L.A. The last time I was here was when I was visiting my dad right before I went to high school. And boy, had things changed since I was last here. Buffy had said that same thing too.

But I was excited nonetheless. I decided that I wanted to take full advantage of the scholarship and live in the school campus. Buffy had been a little sad, but she had understood. She knew I needed my space. Besides, I was still gonna visit her on the weekends, and holidays.

Things were really almost normal. But one couldn’t really ask for more in life. There had been a few times were I had to accompany my sister while on patrol. That was cool. Plus, I did train with her too from time to time. She said it was good, just in case I ever needed to defend myself if I was ever on my own. And lets face it… this was L.A., and coming face with a hungry vampire was bound to happen sooner or later. –And hopefully that would be much, much later.—

Now here I was, standing in line the longest line I had ever been in at the bookstore. The place was packed, and I was already running late for class. All I needed was just one book. One book. But no… not only had the book been almost un-findable, but the line was ridiculous, and I really couldn’t wait any longer. I looked at my watch impatiently again for what seemed to be the fifteenth time in the last thirty minutes. I guess I was just gonna have to stop by the library later and see if I could use one of their copies.

I put the book down and rushed through the school campus. I could already see the look on Mr. Feeney’s face as he saw me waltz in late. Well, being ten minutes late was better than not being in class at all. Thank god the library was going to be open late today. I really needed to make copies of that passage if I wanted to get my homework done tonight.

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"What did he say to you?" championsonward [Friday
February 18th, 2005 at 12:08am]
[ mood | sad ]

I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't forget his words, everything that he had said, it felt like the truth. Buffy... my sister... she was dead. She was dead. She would have been here if she was alive and she wasn't.

She was dead.




I put my hands to my ears trying not to hear anything else. Trying to shut everything out, but the images were there, so vivid. Everything that he had said, maybe it was a lie, but, no... Buffy would be here, she would have come, she would have told us Angel..us... was here. She and Spike would have come looking for us, but they didn't.


I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I had felt in the warehouse. Why... why was this always happening? Why couldn't things just be simple? Buffy was dead. She was dead. I shook my head. NO! Not like the potentials, she couldn't be dead like them. So much blood everywhere. No! No! No!

I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to face Angelus and hit him until he told me what he had done to Buffy. But I just stood there, like a stupid little kid. Just doing nothing, just like I had always done. I was nothing, only a energy, only a broken key.

I looked back at Angelus who was now sitting down. I wanted to shout, I wanted to run up to him and- and-

"What did he say to you?"

I finally snapped out it. I tore my stare off of Angelus and looked up at Giles.

"I- He-- he said Buffy was dead... He's here Giles, but she isn't. She wouldn't just leave and not tell us he was here... She-" I tried to calm down... not think about it.

"He said he did something to a girl... Fred. And Willow, he- umm, I don't... I don't know..." I couldn't say anything else.

Images of the warehouse came back, rushing, making me sick again. This, everything... it was all too much.. Too much. I looked back at him… One way or another, I was going to make him pay for what he did to Buffy... I was going to be the one to stake him in the end.

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Trying To Find Answers championsonward [Friday
February 11th, 2005 at 12:11am]
[ mood | tired ]

I hadn’t wanted Riley to leave. But in the time that he was there, he had given me the reassurance that I had needed. He said he would be back and I totally believed him. I only hoped that Buffy and Spike would be back soon with Cordelia and Angel...us.

My second Internet search had brought out a few more leads and I printed those for Mr. Giles. I was actually getting better at searching for these things. I only hoped that my search would turn up something that could help us.

After everything had printed, I pulled the pages off of the printer and began to read through them more thoroughly. Trying to find something on this Deverian’s touch thingy and a re-ensouling spell that could bring Angel back.

Some of the pages looked interesting. I was sure that we were going to be able to find something here that could help us. However, there was really nothing I could find that talked about Deverian’s touch. But I was just so sure that if we put Angel’s soul back, we could get Cordelia back too since the two seemed to be connected. But then again… what did I know of these things. I was only a sixteen year old high school teenager who on occasion helped her sister... well, this one time, helped her sister and an army of now dead potential slayers close a hellmouth.

"Come on Buffy... Spike... hurry back." I said softly under my breath.

Suddenly as I leafed through the pages, I saw a spell that looked like it might work. I pulled that one aside and walked up to Giles.

"Umm, I think maybe you should take a look at this." I said and handed him the sheet.

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Driving Lessons... hellmouth_napa [Tuesday
January 18th, 2005 at 9:25am]
[ mood | determined ]

I couldn’t believe I was finally going to drive the BMW. This was going to be so much fun. I was so ready to learn and turn and parallel park. It was going to be a blast.

I so wanted to learn everything. Maybe after a few more lessons I could take the written exam and then the driving test. I was gonna kick ass on that too. Things couldn’t be any better than this really, every thing was going great at the moment.

I was getting good grades in school, and my training with Mr. Giles was going great, and the driving was big giant bonus. I still wanted to go out patrolling with Buffy, though. I knew I was ready. I could handle my own. And it wasn’t like I was gonna be there by myself, Xander was gonna be there, and sometimes Willow would be there. And we I would be full of carefulness.

And tomorrow I was gonna kick some more butt… fencing with Mr. Giles was gonna be so much fun. I could do that all day if I wanted to. Maybe we could bring Xander along too, see I can kick his butt. I was so gonna rule.

“Hey Mr. Giles, do you think that for tomorrow’s fencing lesson you can bring along Xander too. I so wanna kick his butt… I bet you he won’t know what hit him.” I said with a smile. Oh yeah, I was so gonna rule.

We finally made it to the car and I sat behind the wheel. I adjusted the seat and the mirrors and put my hands on the steering wheel. I was confident, this was gonna be a piece of caramel apple cheesecake. I looked at Mr. Giles expectantly and ready to take directions.

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The Hospital championsonward [Sunday
December 12th, 2004 at 12:12pm]
[ mood | okay ]

We finally make it to the hospital. Luckily after leaving the food place I didn’t have to sit next to Andrew. That boy was just so annoying sometimes.

As we walked through the doors I could see Willow sitting down in the waiting room. She looked exhausted. I looked around hoping to see more girls, but there were actually none there. There was only Willow. I could have sworn some weren’t hurt that badly. Besides they were all slayers, they had their whole super healing abilities and stuff. How odd.

“Look Willow, we brought some sustenance. It’s chinese.” I said smiling as I handed her the food.

She looked drawn but she still smiled at me gave me a hug. I was so glad to see her. I guessed that the spell had taken a lot out of her, plus the whole Kennedy thing. But I was not about to go there.

I looked back and realized that Buffy, Giles, Xander and Julia had this concerned look in their faces. Maybe it was because they too had expected to see the girls, just like I was and there were none.

Andrew didn’t look too comfortable either. Maybe he didn’t like hospitals, maybe it was the pizza he ate on the way here.

I sat down in one of the comfy chairs in the waiting room still looking around hoping to see any of the other slayers.

“So where is everybody?”

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